just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
