I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
