go do what you do best...puke behind churches
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
