Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
