My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i drank out of a bidet.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
