i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize