Betty ford says i'm here all night
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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