U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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