you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
