There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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