you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
