and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
