chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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