At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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