Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
