I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
