If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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