..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
