Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
