marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
