Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
