Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
