pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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