Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
