Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
