this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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