i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
