He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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