it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
