the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I touched a dick in church today
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
