I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
