R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize