it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
