I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize