Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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