we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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