I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
