I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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