Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
