She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
