Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize