i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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