If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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