so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We need to feng shui this bitch.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize