I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
