my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
