I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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