a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This baby is an asshole
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
