im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
