I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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