apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just found puke in my bra..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
