Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
