I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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