i can't believe i had my finger in that
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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