maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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