Christians are straight up FREAKS
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
