How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
