She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
there is glitter all over my balls
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize