and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
