I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
