FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
