You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
