Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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