if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do vagina's smell?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize