Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we're making bets on your personal life
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
