I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
