Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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