Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
