Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
