Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
