new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize