Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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