Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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