Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
