when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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