He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
