All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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