You kept calling me your small dog last night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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