Who wears a wallet chain?!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
