please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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