So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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