How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
