I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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