I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
