Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
