and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
