i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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