wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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