i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
