Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
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