Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
