On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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