you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize