u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
