I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
