Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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