I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
