Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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