good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
