Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
