Where did you get a picture of my penis
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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