This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
