it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
