Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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