had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
