so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
