We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize