I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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